According to Harvard Researchers, “people who ask more questions are better liked by their conversation partners.” However, you need to improve your questioning skills.
Questions like “How are you?” are fairly meaningless because it is too vague and open-ended.
If you know the person ask specific questions that show you remember something about them. For instance, “How does your daughter like her new school, is she settling in okay?” This question shows you remember the person has a daughter, that she is starting at a new school and that you have some concern for her comfort and progress. This should get the conversation going easily. Offer new information and follow up with another question to keep the exchange going.
When you do not know the person or do not have previous experience with them you might offer something about yourself such as, “I saw an interesting play last week at the Wit.” “Are you a theater or movie fan, have you seen anything worth checking out?” If they say no you can always follow up by asking about what they like to do outside of work.
If this all sounds too personal for your comfort level and it is a business environment ask, “So what have you been working on lately? Have you had any interesting clients or assignments?” I use this in networking situations rather than, “What do you do?” Because it elicits a more interesting answer other than their stock elevator pitch and gives me deeper insight into the person’s business or service.
I regularly attend a number of networking events so I might ask, “Have you attended this event before?” If yes I follow up with, “Is there anyone here you think I should meet or who might be interesting to know? Could you introduce me?” If they do not know anyone I will be sure to introduce them to someone that I know.
Avoid beginning conversations with traffic, sports, weather, or politics these are generally time wasters. In a business environment do your best to launch the conversation with something that is germane to your mutual interest and advances your knowledge of the subject or provides new information to the other person.
A good question might include breaking news about your mutual subject area, like, “What did you think about the report that …?” If they are not aware you can fill them in. If they have an opinion your conversation is off and running.
According to an article by CNBC online, it is suggested to use the accronym A.C.T. as a reminder when making small talk. Be Authentic, make a Connection and give a Taste of who you are.
Authenticity means keeping it real. Don’t just look for something to fill time. Show a genuine interest in the other person.
To make a connection your topic should be mutually interesting.
Giving a taste of who you are, requires that you be willing to reveal something about yourself.
As you perfect your questioning skills avoid coming across as an interviewer or worse yet and interrogator. Be sure you react to the other person’s answer by offering some further insight of your own before firing off another question. They want to learn about you too. Hopefully, they will ask a question of you and keep the exchange moving.
Like anything it takes practice. The take away here is basically to be sure you include questioning in your small talk arsenal of networking skills.